Happy Birthday Mommy! So glad, you loved your blue roses.
Have you ever had the feeling, that God was trying to tell you something? I think He’s telling me, to prepare for love. I would hope so. My desire is to experience the real thing. The real version of love. The kind that’s worth waiting for, has tangible results, and is long lasting. Endearing, bonded, soul mate love that counts for more then what we’d ever imagine. I’m putting out the energy, to bring it all my way. More importantly, I’m taking lessons I’ve learned from past experiences. Wisdom say’s, “Going around the same tree, leads to familiar places”. I’m in pursuit of better lands, where lychee grows from orange trees.
I’m so sleepy. I stupidly uploaded the latest iTunes, and it locked my iPhone. If I can’t crack it myself, I may have to shell out some cash to have it done. Won’t that be fun *eye roll*? It wouldn’t be so much of a problem, if my contract had expired with my current carrier. I think once it does, I’ll move to another network, with more reliable coverage. Sitting on the bed, while turning my spine in a ninety-degree angle, and lifting my big toe, is NOT a decent way to get reception. What really worried me, was the alarm not going off. I haven’t purchased a decent alarm clock yet. And, being late is a major NO! So, my method of waking up on time, was to drink three bottles of water. I figured I’d sleep in-between, and every two hours go to the bathroom. Much to my relief (and disgust), I woke up at 5a.m, and waited in bed until the next hour. Just, as I was dozing, the alarm went off. ….*sigh*. Adding tired, to my already exhausted frame I went to work. The only encouragement came from knowing, today was Friday. That…and the incredibly cute guy, who happened to just be at my site today. he did most of the staring, but I approached him with some cute girl steez, which I really didn’t mean to leak! Despite that, he didn’t bite. And, that was fine. I’d heard through the grapevine he wasn’t into black girls. I’m hoping it’s just hearsay. After all, chocolate is delicious.
On a more serious note, looking at the women men find most attractive, I find that black women aren’t very high on that list. How many men, would marry a black lady? Or date a black lady? It’s dis-heartening to say the least. The rate of married black women, is much lower, then any other group of women. Media representation, and steroetypes seem to cast us as more of a “fetish”, to be explored. The best examply of my frustration at his, was in high school. For some reason, all the black boys were fixated on puerto rican girls. It was like an obsession. An insulting one. I’m not against loving someone, of a different background. But, to totally alienate and make unfair comparisons based on appearance, mannerisims, and claiming one shade of woman to be better then the other? …It has stayed with me, for some time. I find this treatment most hurtful, from younger black men. How can you call the mirror image of yourself inferior? I am not a fetish. Not a baby’s mama, a statistic, or anything else other then what I am. I’m a living temple of love and solace. And, I expect to be treated as such.
As I try to push past the B.S, I remind myself that God is good. And all He asks, is that I believe. So, here’s to doing just that. Until my own tailor-made mister comes a courtin’. Tomorrow should be better. I’ll finish my commissioned card, go to a hookah bar, and watch some friends perform at a comedy club. Maybe, I can slip in a samosa, somewhere in-between.
Have a fun weekend!
:)
